Tag Archives: Relationships

Postcards from Italy

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Waiting for good lightWell I think this is about the best way to bring this poor neglected blog out of it’s slumber and back into the world. I am sitting here tapping away on my iPod, looking out the window at a most inviting scene: a small mountain village tucked away in the green, thickly forested mountains of far northern Italy.

I’ve come here to visit friends, to get out and see the world, to have adventure. So far the trip has been nothing short of perfection. The journey, though long and tiring as only overseas travel can be, was smooth and uneventful. I’ve completely avoided any real signs of jet lag, which is, I hear, rare and fantastic. One word keeps coming back to my mind, and I’ve decided it will be the word to describe this trip, this place, this time: idyllic.

The centerpiece of this trip is a five day running tour through some of the most stunning alpine scenery on the planet: the Italian Dolomites. We will cover roughly 60 miles over the 5 days, all on foot. But before you gasp and think me a lunatic (though I am), consider: throughout the mountains here there are huts. And when you think huts, think fully stocked hotels, complete with excellent food, beer, beds, showers, all comforts one could want after a long day in the mountains. We will not only be stopping at one of these huts each night, but we will also stop at one each day for lunch!

I know what you’re thinking: you call yourself hardcore? I never made any such claim. Or maybe: don’t you get out in the wilderness to get away from civilization? Well, all I can say is, it’s a European thing. Everything here is just so much more…civilized. But at the same time people have great respect for excercise and the outdoors. It is apparently very common here to see quite elderly people happily climbing up into the high mointains, always smiling and saying hello. Perhaps some of their happiness is owed the the amazing food that is available at some of these huts.

Picture: you just got done ascending a few thousand feet over a very short distance. You’re tired, very hungry, and some threatening storm clouds have moved in quickly. The temperature is plummeting, thunder is rumbling, and a hail storm seems inevitable. Wouldn’t you like to step into a cozy shelter where you could order a plate of eggs, potatoes and speck (think bacon x 1000) along with a cappuccino and a strudel as you wait out the storm? I would. If you’d rather sit under a tree in your rain gear and munch on dried fruit and power bars, be my guest.

So. I’m back. I will be posting with more regularity, though for the next few days I will be happily out of reach of the Internet. If you’d like to follow our progress and be made extremely jealous, you can find a Twitter feed of our tour here.
Do tune in to that, and stay tuned to this blog, as I have big plans for it when I get back.

The Eternal Question

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(warning: raw emotional content ahead)

Why?

gull11If we know that something isn’t quite working out, why do we keep at it, day after day, month after month, year after year, until finally something gives (again) and we just can’t take it anymore?

Why do we ignore the warning signs in a relationship? We postpone the inevitable, tell ourselves there is a way to make it work, that these basic differences can be fixed. We pretend everything is OK and lose ourselves in day-to-day routine and comfort, thus ensuring that when the paths do finally diverge (and they will), things are so complicated, so intertwined, with so much time and emotion and energy invested, that the reality of parting seems insurmountable, impossible.

Why do we knowingly do this to ourselves? And it is knowingly. As much as we hide from it and push it down, the truth is always there, waiting for us.

These are rhetorical questions, really. The short answer to all of them is, you guessed it, fear. There are seemingly endless things to fear in letting go of a relationship: fear of being alone, fear of emotional pain, fear of hurting someone we care for deeply, fear of losing something that we can never get back, fear of making the wrong decision. Fear of the unknown…what the hell am I supposed to do with myself after 7 and a half years of being with the same person?

So, even in the face of it, when it is undeniably time to make the change, we struggle and grasp for reasons why it could work, concessions we could make, changes that could occur that would make everything OK. For brief, ignorant moments, small feelings of relief and familiar comfort seep in, before being swallowed up by the twisting knot in our stomach and replaced by the dull ache of acceptance. Over and over this circle of dim false hope followed certain grief and despair repeats itself, like waves crashing into the sand.

But this is only one side of the story, one chapter. And while this very real, very powerful and very necessary chapter is being written down, scratched out, and rewritten, another story is simultaneously beginning to unfold. This story tells of freedom, excitement, and joy. It describes following dreams, bliss, and doing what we love no matter what. It details the refinement of our purpose, and the shedding of old, outdated thought patterns. It tells of this incredible gift that we call life.